if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
