I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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