so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
