i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm passing your future prison.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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