Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
