Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
