I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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