When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
