I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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