If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
