she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
