You're so nebulous sometimes
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
