We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
