ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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