I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
