evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
