I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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