I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
