Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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