Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
