Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
