tell your sister to shave her snatch
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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