birth control should be required to get into college
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
