Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
