We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
