I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
