when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
