You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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