Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
