Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
