sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just saw a hot homeless man
one two three fourrrrnication!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
