took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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