Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Green mimosas i think yes
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
