New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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