dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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