definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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