I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
