I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
