i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
