Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
