So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
