Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
