Soap is not a condiment
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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