Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
