So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
only you would photoshop your dick
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
