So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
