last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
