mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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