you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
