i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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