i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think your dad took our porno
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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