Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
