We won't sleep together?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
