You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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