It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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