lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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